Mid-Life Crisis in Spandex

My sister thinks I'm losing my mind. Today I confirmed her suspicion.

Who would have ever thought I would be trying on Spandex shorts! I don't even wear shorts ... I hate shorts ... I was blessed with fat knees, tree stump calves, cankles, and flesh the color of egg shells. Shorts and me just don't get along. And SPANDEX? My first thought was that the stuff should be outlawed.

Not only was I trying the shorts on, but I walked around the store in them looking for other stuff to try on. Way out of character for me!

So I bought the shorts (and a jersey and a bunch of other 'stuff'). I decided black is a flattering color on me (at least on the bottom), and the Spandex is like wearing support hose. The lumps seemed to disappear when I put them on. I wonder if they use one of those carnival mirrors in the dressing room that makes you look thinner, because it wasn't as revolting of a picture as I thought it would be. Or maybe I just need to get to the eye doctor! Now I just need to work on that tan!